Wedding in Laos

Lao Weddings are known as a South East Asian family event as we have our own unique and old traditional that have followed our ancestors for thousands of years. Last weekend I had the opportunity to go to a traditional wedding that Lao people attend. Travel Indochina Laos
A Lao Wedding is one event that busiest time for both families as the groom and bride need to prepare for at least two weeks or up to a month depending on the situation of the families. Both families would come together to talk about when is good time for them to have the wedding — this also includes the magic man. It is his job to come up with a good date as per the Buddhist calendar and animism day as well.
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After a date is set, both families would need to make a list of the guests that they would like to invite — not only friends but also parents, uncles and aunts along with brothers or sisters. Even their close friends of friends would make the list of the people that they will invite. Travel to Laos
In Laos we use one invitation for two people, so for a regular wedding about 500 – 1,500 invitation cards depending on how big the wedding is. The groom and bride will give the invitation cards out about one week or latest 3 days prior the wedding date.
The groom and bride would also look for some place for the all-important pre-wedding photo shooting. Some couples like to do this in the studio but others like to do outside like at the National Museum, their favourite temple or even at the stadium where they can get better scenery.

A traditional Laos wedding is usually held at the bride’s family home. The wedding ceremony takes place can either be in the morning or afternoon. In the past it was always in the morning which was believed to be best time for a joyful celebration such as wedding ceremony to take place, whereas the afternoon is considered the time for sad ceremonies like cremations. However, with modern lifestyles convenience has become more important so the time doesn’t really matter any more. Generally, 10:00am and 4:00pm are usually considered the best times because guests are invited to have lunch or dinner after the official ceremony is finished.
The wedding preparations start with the sou khor (bride-price negotiation) procession.
The bride-price is usually money and gold, but it can be anything valuable. Traditionally this is asked by the bride's parents as a refund for the breast milk that has been fed to the bride since she was born (literally translated from Lao). How much? depends on the family social status of both sides. Nowadays many parents don't ask for anything so long that their daughter is happy.
Engagement
Engagement is not that common in Laos. Some couples get engaged before their wedding while many others don't bother with the engagement at all. There are no set rules really, especially nowadays when life style of many Lao has changed.
When both sides negotiate and agree on the bride-price and all other details then they set the wedding date.
Traditionally, the wedding date has to be on a good day in lunar calendar, so parents of either or both sides usually consult elders or senior ex-monks, who have good knowledge of Lao custom and tradition, before the wedding date is set. One thing most Lao knows is that the wedding is not supposed to take place during the three months khao phansa (Buddhist Lent, late July - late October).
Today this procession has been slightly changed to suit modern lifestyles and sometimes the couple agrees on most of the details (including the bride-price) and they set the date to suit their busy lives. When it comes close to the wedding day, this sou khor procession is organised just for the sake of Lao custom or tradition.
The night before the Laos wedding takes place, an informal ceremony is held at the bride-to-be’s home, and sometimes the groom holds the same ceremony at his place as well. This is call an oun dong (wedding or marriage warming) and it only involves close friends and relatives who come to help with wedding preparations as well as to eat and drink. The things to prepare include pha khoun (handmade marigold pyramid made of banana leaves), food for the big day and the new couple’s bedroom. In this room tradition demands the bed must be made by the mother of the bride or an older female who has a good family (with a good husband and good children and who is not divorced, or a widow).
On the big day, the bride is dressed with a traditional Lao silk sinh (Lao skirt), and silk blouse, and has her hair tied up in a special way with gold decoration. This ensemble is finished off with a gold necklace, bracelets, earrings and a bell.
The groom also gets dressed up usually with white or cream coloured silk shirt and a traditional silk salong (a pair of baggy pants). Sometimes grooms wear normal pants and suits as some find salongs uncomfortable.
Traditionally, on the wedding day a small baci (also spelt basi) or sou khuan (a spirit enhancing) ceremony is held concurrently in both the bride’s house and the groom’s prior to the formal wedding. Now many omit this custom, especially in urban areas where Lao customs and traditions are fading.
Once the small baci is finished, a convoy of the groom is sent ahead to give the bride-price to the bride’s parents. The bride-price could be gold or money. The convoy usually consists of few older men and women, who could be the groom’s parents and relatives who are good and know a lot about Lao customs and traditions. The leader of the convoy would politely say something like “we come with horses, buffaloes, cows, a pile of silver and gold to give to you in exchange for our son coming to live with you” or something similar. While this exchange is taking place the groom’s group is formed and waits somewhere nearby.
Laos Wedding - hae kuey
Hae keuy procession in Lao wedding
When the procession is finished, the groom’s group is informed and they begin to walk to the bride’s home, playing musical instruments, singing and dancing along the way. Everybody is laughing, cheering and smiling in the most joyful way. The groom walks under an umbrella carried by his friend. This part of the Laos wedding is supposed to be really fun to join. This procession is called hae keuy.
When they arrive at the bride’s house, the groom and his party are met by the bride's relatives where a silver door and a gold door are set up and closed. These doors are just lines of silver and gold bells stretched across the door way to prevent the groom entering before he is granted permission. The groom will be allowed to go inside only after he drinks with the bride’s relatives and pays them to open the doors and after their customary questions such as: “Where did you come from? What did you come here for? What did you bring with you?” etc. are answered. So… extensive bargaining, questioning and drinking takes place here which is another fun part of the Laos wedding.